On Writing #13: Even experts have their shitty first drafts
Kiệt is one of the most talented musicians I know.
It’s true that I don’t know that many musicians. However, I don’t think that was an understatement.
I’ve taken friends to his band’s concerts and their discographies. Most of the time we share the same reaction: Mouths twitched to a knowing grin. Heads nodded and swung in sync with the rhythms. Eyebrows lifted into a yo-this-guy-is-really-something shape.
Even Kiệt knows he’s good.
He’s annoyingly good. The kind of talent that I still can’t quite fathom. Therefore, I trust Kiệt to produce whatever songs that I write. Because how can you not with a person who puts this all together?
With years of working on music, I think to some extent, we can call Kiệt an expert. Or at least I think of him as an expert. As I put that label on Kiệt, it accidentally made me expect him to get it right on the first try.
I imagined walking into the studio with Kiệt and voila! he would come up with melodies existing somewhere in his dream like how Paul McCartney wrote Yesterday. Or like Jack Antonoff, he would be able to translate the visions in his head into melodies instantly.
But during the time we worked together, Kiệt first drafts almost always made me go: THE HECK?!
A lot of the time, the drafts make me question this guy’s talent. “I thought you were the Music God. Why am I witnessing so many hiccups?”
Turns out, even experts have their shitty first drafts.
Shitty First Drafts
I was first introduced to the concept of “Shitty First Drafts” by Anne Lamott in her book Bird By Bird.
Regarding this topic, Lamott mentions:
People tend to look at successful writers […] and think that they sit down at their desks every morning feeling like a million dollars, feeling great about who they are and how much talent they have and what a great story they have to tell
This is exactly how I looked at and thought about Kiệt: “In this Vietnamese Jack Antonoff we trust”. And I thought I had the right to think so. What’s wrong with praising one’s talent as if it’s granted by God?!
But Lamott disagrees, saying:
This is just the fantasy of the uninitiated.
(Did I mention that my favorite authors are the ones who give the most painful reality slaps?)
The Fantasy of The Uninitiated.
Of course I worshipped Kiệt. It came from a lack of clear understanding of his work. I was the uninitiated. So I fantasized about how smooth the process can be.
And this was unfair for Kiệt. By glorifying his talent, I’m leaving his shitty first drafts a chance to be very frustrated at Kiệt’s several first attempts.
By fantasizing this, I also become very unfair with myself when it comes to things I’ve been doing for a while: Singing.
Last month when I recorded a theme song for a blogging course Writing On The Net (WOTN), the fun was punctuated with lots of self-blaming moments. When it took me around 20 takes to find the one I was mildly satisfied with, I blamed myself on not hitting the mark right at the start.
Also, here’s a confession: I’ve only started to sing new songs in karaoke sessions this year. In the past it didn’t happen often because I HAVE TO GET IT RIGHT IN THE FIRST TRY OKAY LET ME PRACTICE THEM IN MY BATHROOM FIRST!!!
The Rights To Make Shitty First Drafts.
The first draft is the child’s draft, where you let it all pour out and then let it romp all over the place, knowing that no one is going to see it and that you can shape it later. You just let this childlike part of you channel whatever voices and visions come through and onto the page. - Anne Lamott
As an artist, Kiệt deserves all rights to produce those shitty first drafts. These drafts are so important for him and me to understand the vision he has in his brain. It's where we let our creativity goes all over the place and where new, out-of-the-box ideas can creep in.
As I reflect on the projects that we’ve been working on together, had we let perfectionism get in the way from the very beginning, I think I might have missed some elements that makes the songs sound the way they are. Honestly, I would regret that so much.
The same thing applies for singing. Those shitty first drafts are my way to test if there’s any way that I can sing differently, maybe by changing the whole lyrics, opening my mouth wider, or adding more layers.
The work can only improve if it exists.
I’m starting to see all the shitty first drafts that did and will exist as a means to a perfect piece of art a less shitty one. The blogs that I received a lot of praises are those whose drafts are often twice the length of the actual one. The song that I’m very proud to see exist is also the one that underwent so many shitty first drafts. Here’s the song:
Thank you for reading the whole blog. If you’re one of the friends in WOTN, here’s a special gift - A shittier shitty draft of the WOTN song that I made and sent Kiệt (he rolled eyes at my first draft the way I did for his).
My favorite blogs on the same topic:
Thank you for such a comforting post <3 and thanks for making WOTN song ^^